Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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