I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
