Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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