Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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