Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
