I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
