so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
