McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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