guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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