yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
