You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
