i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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