The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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