Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
