why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
