i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
