My first STD was from a foam party
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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