I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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