She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
