Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
