The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
