OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
