pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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