so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
