There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
