they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
