I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
