he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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