In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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