I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
