Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
