Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
