I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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