The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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