And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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