its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
