i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
