I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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