i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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