You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
