3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
