It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
