He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
