Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
