She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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