im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
