I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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