I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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