hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
