this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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