I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
