My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
