oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
