i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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